TOP 5 QUESTIONS Every Adult Needs To Answer!
“In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
Hello, Neighbor!
Every year in the United States, taxes are due on April 15th, making April 16th a perfect day to review plans for the … other. “National Healthcare Decisions Day is an annual initiative celebrated on April 16th to encourage and empower people to begin or continue conversations about their wishes for care through the end of life.” (LEARN MORE). No one likes to have hard conversations about what may be needed if you can no longer make decisions for yourself or death, but I can tell you from recent and personal experiences that I would rather have the hard conversations than be left a mess to clean up and no idea what the loved one wanted.
While I’m not an attorney or a financial advisor, I can say with certainty that not having answers to these questions and legal documentation to support your decisions leaves loved ones with a monumental task at hand and a lot of questions and uncertainty. It also puts the family in a position for arguments at what the “right” way is to move forward. Leaving directions for preferences, bequests, assignment of assets and so on offers loved ones the chance to honor your wishes. Even if it may not be the way that everyone would prefer, it will give your chosen trustee or executor the benefit of oversight or support should arguments arise.
Reviewing the following questions and knowing with certainty that you have the answers that are right for you can be a great relief. Please make sure to contact a local estate attorney and/or other trusted advisors in your state to help find the answers to these questions that are right for you and your family.
Who will make medical decisions when/if you no longer can?
In many cases this question can be managed by choosing a Medical Power of Attorney or Healthcare Surrogate. A attorney can help create to forms that are best for you. Please make sure to discuss this with the person you choose before you fill out the forms. I know this seems obvious, but you want to be sure they are comfortable with making hard choices.
2. Does your healthcare surrogate know what you want for end of life care if you are incapacitated ?
Having an Advance Healthcare Directive, sometimes known as a living will, can greatly benefit your loved ones if you are in a position of not being able to make decisions for yourself. Generally the options may be the same in most states, but consult an attorney in your state to be sure.
3. Who will make financial decision if you are no longer able or when you are no longer living?
Having a financial power of attorney can help make sure that things run more smoothly if you are no longer in a position to make financial decisions. While Last Will and Testament can help your family to know your final wishes and be able to take care of things after you are no longer here.
4. Does a trusted attorney or trustee of the estate have a list of any specific directives or bequests?
In many cases family members find grief alone overwhelming and adding the burden of honoring the wishes of an estate - no matter how small - is daunting. However, if there are a lot of assets, collectibles, antiques, items, or even beloved “junk”, loved ones will find any guidance of your wishes helpful. NOTE: It is only helpful, if they can find your list in a timely matter, not after having sorted half of the items. PRO TIP: Keep this with the will and all the documents together in a Fireproof box or safe.
Our friends at the Conversation Project have done some great work and outlined some more questions to think about and conversations to have with your family.
5. Have I said everything I need to say to my family?
This is probably the hardest question of all. There will always be something left unsaid. But no day is guaranteed; we can help our family now by saying the things that need said and by having these tough conversations. It’s a rare blessing in this life if we can leave it feeling prepared and ready to go on to whatever comes next for us. Grief is the price of love and while it’s worth it to have had it, grief and memories are also what we hope to leave behind. However, we can choose now the type of grief we leave. Do we leave behind a disorganized, chaotic mess that our loved ones get to guess about our wishes and what we might want and that may mute some of the sweet memories that we leave? Or do we leave things for our family left here on earth with a sense of care by offering our loved ones some guidance about our wishes, documents to be sure they can manage the affairs well and finances to cover expenses and maybe some thoughts on what they meant to us?
ONE FINAL THOUGHT
When I started this article earlier in the week, I was hoping to offer a personal perspective of WHY NOW? I wasn’t able to put my thoughts together as completely as I wanted … AND THEN … the universe provided me a very timely answer. I understand how hard it is to think about not being here for family and the difficulty of confronting our mortality enough to think past it and to plan for the future. It can be very overwhelming to even know where to start. However, having these questions answered will put your mind at ease and help ease the minds of your spouse, children and loved ones.
This week I took a loved one to a medical appointment to consider options for an extreme and critical stage of care. While we are sitting there, after very hard conversations with the doctor and both of us remain unsure of what comes next, all we can do is crack jokes and try to keep our mind at ease while we wait for more news. It was then that I realized my own question had been answered. We were both at peace because years ago we sat together and answered all these questions. We were both confident that, while more memories may remain to be shared, we don’t have to worry or scramble if the grains of sand have runout on our already blessed lifetime together. She can focus on seeking and following advice of the medical staff and I can focus supporting actions and decisions. I’m grateful that we took the time years ago to sit together to answer these hard questions and manage the documentation and any account changes; so that now, in a time that is so full of emotion, we don’t have to add the fear and anxiety of heavy-weighted discussion to come up with answers to these questions now.
I hope something in this article was helpful to you, neighbor! Please leave me a comment and let me know what you found interesting.
